Lost
by saygnightx
Summary: Maureen retells a tale of love lost. Really tragic, but I love it. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Rent. I am in no way, shape or form, Jonathan Larson.**

**Warning: It's Rent, expect anything. **

**Hey guys! Sorry this one's a little sad. I'm kind of in a sad mood. Please read and review. Thank you. **

--

_Italics are flashbacks /dreams/school announcements. _

--

"_NO! Alex! Please don't go, please don't…open your eyes Alex, open your eyes…_"

"_I love you, baby._"

"_ALEX!_"

My eyes shoot open. Tears are streaming down my face and my eyes are burning. I'm sweating like crazy. The sheets are tangled around my legs. My heart is thumping like a jackhammer in my chest.

It was just a dream. It's over.

But it felt so real.

--

**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

"Ehhhh, shut up you piece of shit." I toss my clock radio off the nightstand. It still continues its incessant beeping. "Fine! I'm getting up, okay? Jesus." I swing my legs off the bed, untangling the sheets from my calves. The dream last night comes swimming back to me. I have to hold back the crushing force of tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.

"_Please baby…_"

I shake my head from the voice. I can't think about it again. I won't be able to get through the day. I leave the bed slowly, heading off to take a shower.

Maybe the hot water will wash away this damn dream.

--

"_Attention students, wearing shirts that have anything to do with anarchy or drugs will result in severe discipline. Shirts with the words 'Down with Principal Clemens' do count. Thank you._" **Click.**

"Wow, that's fucked up. Isn't it?" I ask Collins. He's always been behind me in these matters. He started those shirts.

"You're telling me. Next thing you know, they're going to ban us from bringing in pot."

"Uh, Collins? That was never allowed."

"And that has stopped me before since when?"

I just laughed at him. "True, very true."

I hear footsteps behind us. "Hey guys!"

I crane my neck even though I already know who it is. "Hey Marky!"

"Please don't call me that."

I ruffle his blonde hair. "Sorry Marky." He shakes his head and grumbles at me.

I feel someone put their arms around my shoulder in a gentle headlock. "Hey!"

"Get off me Roger." I say, though smiling.

"Sorry." He still holds me under his arm. I push him off, causing him to hit a locker lightly with his shoulder. He rubs it like a little baby. "You're so mean."

"You know I love yah baby." I give a fake wink for emphasis. He sticks out his tongue at me. "What are you, three?"

"Three and a half, thank you."

I shake my head. "Whatever Rog."

"Come on, bitches! I'm hungry!"

"Young man! Watch your language!"

He just shoots the teacher the finger as he gapes, mouth to the floor.

--

"Ew, what is this?" I poke my 'cheeseburger' with my finger. "I think I just heard it moo."

Roger laughs, shaking his head. "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. You have no idea that it's even real meat in that thing."

"The school is trying to kill us all with this food. It's not even real."

"Collins, last week you said that the government was sticking homing devices in the school food in order to watch our every move."

"Now that one is true! I swear." His eyes are wide. He completely believes what he is saying is true.

"Yeah well, I don't care what's in it; I'm not eating this shit."

"Hey Ang!" Collins' face lights up at the sight of his boyfriend.

"Hey honey." Her face scrunches up as she dumps her food into the nearest trashcan. "It's just disgusting."

"I hear you girl. Why can't they serve real food?" Collins kisses her cheek when she sits down.

"I hear next year they're gonna have a catering service in the cafeteria." Mark says as he pushes his burger around his plate.

Roger snorts. "I doubt that one. This school's so cheap." Collins nods in agreement.

"They have enough money to create homing devices though."

"Of course they do, baby." Angel kisses his cheek and rubs his forearm in support for her boyfriend.

"Thank you sweetness." He kisses her.

I scrunch up my nose. "Get a room you two!" They just kiss again to get at me. "I hate you."

"I love you."

"I hate you."

"I love you."

"I hate...!"

"I love both of you! Now please stop doing that. It's a bit annoying."

"Sorry Angel."

"Yeah, sorry baby."

She smiles at Collins and me. "It's okay you guys. Just, be nice. We don't want you two to kill each other."

My eyes darken. I can feel that force in my eyes again.

"_Paul! Put that down!_"

"_You're mine, bitch!_"

I see one of the tears hit the white table below me. I cover my eyes with my hands to hide the signs that I'm crying.

Mark notices it first. "Maureen, are you okay?" I can hear the deep concern etched in his soft voice.

"Whoa, Mo. Are you okay?" Roger puts his hand on my back for support. "Maureen? What's wrong?" I can feel his beautiful green eyes boring into the side of my head.

"Reen? Answer us, please." I don't answer anyone, so Angel tries. She knows I'll always speak when she wants me to.

"Honey," I feel her sit beside me on the bench. My hands are drenched now. My shoulders are starting to shake. "Talk to us sugar, come on now." She puts a loving hand on my thigh.

I lift my head from my hands, looking at Angel's sweet doe-brown eyes. They're full of so much concern. They match the other pairs of blue, green, and hazel eyes watching me. "I…" My voice cracks and more tears come as the memory stills plays over and over in my mind.

Angel takes a hold of my tear soaked hands. She urges me to talk to her. They all want to help so badly.

I sniffle. She rubs a thumb across the top of my right hand. I clear my throat. "It's been two years." I cast my eyes downwards until I'm looking at Angel's hands holding mine, and my tear stained skirt. I feel her thumb repeat its action. "He's gone and it's been two years."

"Alex." Mark has uttered his name because he's the only one who knows about him. He's the only one who knows that story. My tears come in a whole new wave. My heart feels like it's cracking in half.

"Alex?" Roger asks softly. I nod my head.

"Who's Alex, baby?" Angel's voice is so comforting and friendly. I have to go on. I need all of them to help me.

My dark eyes come back up to all of them. "He was the love of my life. He lived in New York City near Broadway." I took a deep breath.

"Go on, Mo. You can do it." Mark's voice is so supportive. I nod at him.

"Two years ago, I went to go visit Alex. We had been dating a year by this point, and he wanted me to go stay with him for a week in order to celebrate." I stopped.

"Mo, tell them about Paul." My fingers started to shake. My heart rate sped up.

"I-I can't Mark…"

"They have to know to understand."

"I know but…"

"You can do it. They should know to understand."

Suddenly, my entire body hurt. I cringed. "Mark…"

He flew to my other side and turned my eyes to meet his. "I know it hurts, but you have to let them know. They—we—only want to help you. We love you." His fingers stroke my wet face and I bite my lip.

"I'm so confused. What happened Reen?" I can still hear the worry in Roger's voice. Collins is in silence, waiting for my answer.

Mark takes my left hand from Angel and strokes just like she did. I feel my heart swell. "Paul is an ex-boyfriend. I met him before Alex. Paul used to…he…" A choked sob escapes my throat, cutting off my sentence.

"Come on Mo, you can do it." Mark's voice is almost a whisper.

"He beat me."

Silence.

"WHAT?!?" Collins voice is an angered roar and he bangs his fists on the table. People around us begin to stare.

Angel shifts her gaze to him and he calms.

"Sorry, Maureen. Go ahead. Tell us about this bastard. Tell us so I can find him and…"

"Baby, stop. Let her finish."

I can almost hear Roger growling in the back of his throat. He has the same feelings as Collins does.

"Yeah Mo, go on. Please."

I swallow back another sob and continue my story. "Anyway, I broke up with Paul after a year and half and called the cops on him. They arrested him for assault and battery. He was to go to juvenile in Jersey for five years." I stopped to take a shaky breath. Tears were still falling. Only the warmth from Mark and Angel were keeping me from collapsing. "But, somehow he got out."

"Son of a bitch."

"Roger."

"Sorry, go ahead."

"Well, that week that I was with Alex, he decided he wanted to take me to the park and just walk together. We held hands, kissed, got ice cream; the whole nine yards." I bit my quivering lip softly. "Well, it was getting dark, so he said that we should start heading home."

"_Baby, you have ice cream on your lips still._"

"_Really?_"

"_Yeah, let me get it for you._"

_My lips were pressed against his as he got the 'ice cream' off of my lips. I laughed when he pulled away. _"_Thank you._"

_He squeezed my hand affectionately and smiled. _"_Anytime, my love._" _He kissed my hand and I blushed lightly. He still had that special effect on me. _

"_I love you_."

"_I love you too, Reen._"

_My smile widens and he kisses my nose. _

"_Come on. Let's go home. It's getting dark anyhow._"

_I nod in agreement and he starts to lead me out of the park and back to his place. Then, I hear footsteps behind us. I hear them quicken and I squeeze in hand in fear. _

_He kisses my temple. _"_It's okay. I'm right here._"

"_Not for long._"

_**No**__, it can't be. He was supposed to be gone. They were supposed to take him away for at least 3 and a half more years. He can't be back. He just can't be. _

_I turn around with Alex and there he is; his dark hair, sharp blue eyes, and mocha skin. _"_It's you. No, it can't be you._" _I shake my head in disbelief. _"_Paul._"

"_That's right, baby. Miss me?_" _He laughs that awful laugh that sends dread seeping into my stomach. _

"_Fuck no. I called the cops on you for a reason, you asshole._"

"_Reeny? Who is this?_" _Alex growls at Paul. _

"_I'm Paul. I dated this slut._"

"_I wasn't asking you!_" _Alex let go of my hand and pushed Paul on the word 'you'._

"_Don't you fucking touch me._" _I can see that dangerous glint in his eyes. It was the same look he always had right before he would beat me to a pulp. _

"_Baby, please. Let's just go. We can call the cops on him or something._"

"_No, Maureen. It's okay. I can handle this._"

_Paul laughed again. His sharp eyes were glued on Alex. My heart was sinking. Something bad was going to happen; I could feel it. _

"_Oh please. I'm just here to get my bitch back._" _He took a step closer to me. Alex growled again. _"_She's always been mine. Isn't that right, baby?_"

_I shook my head violently and pushed him back. _"_Never. I hate you. That's why I sent the cops on you, you sick bastard._" _I saw his cocky smile turn into a dangerous smirk. __**Shit.**_

"_You really don't want to say those things to me, Maureen. You really don't want to do that._"

"_She'll say whatever she pleases. Now back the fuck off or you'll really regret it._" _Alex took my hand again and started to walk away with me. _

"_Oh really?_" _**Click. **__Holy shit. That can't be what I think it is. _"_Now hand that slut over to me, now._"

_Silence._

"_**NO.**_"

"_Fine, your choice._" _**BANG!**_

"_ALEX!_" _He fell to the ground with a sickening thud, his hand still clutching mine. _

"_That's right bitch. Come back to me when he's done._" _And he just leaves. _

_His voice is a hoarse, pained sound. _"_Maureen, baby._"

_I clutch his hand tighter and watch as the tears hit the cement below me. Thunder sounds above us. Rain is coming. _

"_Alex, it's okay. I'm calling 911 now. Please stay with me._"

_He reaches up to stroke my pale cheek. I sob. _"_Don't cry, my love._" _The hand I place on his chest feels his heart getting weaker. _

"_NO! Alex! Please don't go, please don't…open your eyes Alex, open your eyes…_"

"_I love you, baby._"

"_ALEX!_"

_His eyes shut slowly. A teardrop hits my cheek and runs down my face with my tears. Thunder sounds again and I clutch his hand tighter. Maybe if I squeeze hard enough, he'll come back. _

_More rain begins to fall. My sobs are strangled as I try to speak. _"_Come back Alex. I love you, please. Come back to me._"

_Blood seeps through the fingers on his chest. The raindrops hit the blood and mix on my hand and his chest._

_I can't stop the bleeding. I can't bring him back. The love of my life is dead. _

_My eyes release all of the tears in me. My heart feels like it's breaking in half. The rain gives the illusion that I'm just sobbing. There are no tears. _

_But my life is worth nothing now. The man I love is dead. _

_Dead._

_I fall into his chest and cry until the ambulance comes to take away his body. _

--

Tears are falling down all of their faces. Our food is completely forgotten at this point. The jokes and laughing are quieted by my tale of sorrow and lost love.

"Oh, honey…" Angel squeezes my hand tighter.

"We love you Mo." Mark places a kiss on my cheek. I've let out all of my tears. I have none left.

"That bastard." Even Roger is crying. His tears are for me.

"Maureen I…" Collins' voice is coated in sadness and anger.

They all come to me and envelope me in hugs. Their tears hit my clothes and theirs. But I don't mind.

I look up through one of the skylights in our cafeteria, the bright sun shining through onto our tear stained faces.

"_I'll always love you, Reeny._"

I smile.

_I love you too Alex. _


End file.
